Satanosphere

I had this ooky feeling when Guitar Hero became popular. Oh, sure, it’s a cuddle and a half. It does for manual dexterity what stress balls do for palms. And I myself have even felt the constitutional rush of pride over proving to my co-workers that I can, indeed, synchronize my fingers to press specific colored buttons in time to Cheap Trick’s “Surrender.” It took a load off. Then I retired.

But gently the terror infested in the back of my subgenius brain: Guitar Hero would, one day, legitimize the act of performing air guitar. I didn’t know when, I didn’t know how, but I knew it would. And today it did, thanks to Blake Peebles, a 16-year-old from North Raleigh, NC, who is dropping out of high school to play Guitar Hero professionally:

(Blake’s parents) would have preferred that he stay in high school with his brother. But he bugged them until they let him quit.

“We couldn’t take the complaining anymore,” says (father) Hunter. “He always told me that he thought school was a waste of time.”

Father Of The Year nominations are currently being accepted in our Winston-Salem office. Please remember to use black or blue ink.

Okay: In Blake’s defense: He went to a Christian school (were there no other options?) where he was unhappy and shy, and apparently you can make real money on the competitive gaming circuit. As the article notes, “Blake has done well in local tournaments, including one held at a Chick-fil-A that earned him 52 combo meals.” You know, some people do it for the pride. Some people do it for the cash. But it’s a rare breed of young man who does it for Chick-n-Strips and Fudge Nut Brownies once every week for a year.

The children are our future. Skronk.

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