McCain Picks Palin

August 29th, 2008 Matt Hickey Posted in Government, Politics |

Palin?OK, let’s take a breath and figure this out. McCain chose Palin as his running mate. Great, you say, the crazy conservatives of the GOP are going to try to put a woman in the second highest office in the land. They’re not all sexist, racist, jerk old white guys, see?

No, they are. It’s a ploy. McCain’s camp knows that there are millions of heartbroken Hillary supporters who really don’t want to vote for Obama, so he figures he can capture some of their vote by choosing a female for Veep. Here’s the thing: She’s fucking crazy.

She’s anti-choice, hella pro-shooting things dead with guns, and has kids named Trig and Track. No, really, she has kids named Trig and Track. I guess she births Muppets.

If you’re a Hillary supporter thinking of voting the McCain ticket so you see a female Vice Prez, do not. The idiocy these two would bring down on America would not be worth the brief swelling of pride you’d feel while pulling the lever. I’d like to see a woman in higher office as well, but only if it’s the right one.

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One Comment on “McCain Picks Palin”


    PaulShrug on August 31st, 2008 at 1:34 am

  1. The fuck?

    Really. The fuck??

    So McCain wants to exploit the disenfranchised Hillary voter by picking a woman as his running mate. Fair enough. Here’s my questions:

    (1) Why couldn’t he have chosen Olympia Snowe, Susan Collins, or Kay Bailey Hutchinson? All Republicans, all with more experience, all of whom are much more likely to have something in common with the moderation of the typical Hillary voter.

    (2) She’s extremely far-right, and while that appeals to the ultra-conservative wing of the Republican party, that’s the wing that every Republican GOP candidate this year is running away from faster than a boyishly handsome airport ticket counter agent is running away from Larry Craig. This is not the voting bloc that’s going to sway the election.

    (3) Anybody voting for any ticket strictly because of the genital contents of any candidate needs to get their political news from some source other than Soap Opera Digest. Also, they should be deported, even if they were born here.

    (4) General statement: If you were a diehard Democrat Hillary supporter who can’t get over what happened and are going to pull the lever on the McCain ticket out of nothing more than spite as opposed to whatever values you might have had at one time, you know who you are? The Nader voters of ‘08. Except worse, because you also happen to be ideological sell-outs.

    (5) One of her kids is named in tribute to Van Halen. (Okay, that’s just urban legend, but if the cast of Deliverance that calls itself West Virginia is going to continue making an issue of Obama’s middle name, then backatcha.)

    (6) I’ll grant you: She’s hot.

    (7) I’m not a political writer.


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