Satanosphere

From this HuffPo story.

Forget for a moment the election, the bailout, the Seahawks, and everything else, because there’s something important you should know: At 7:46 this evening Pacific time, a fucking meteor is going to collide with Earth.

It’ll happen somewhere over Sudan where it will be very dark. Thankfully it should be completely obliterated by the upper atmosphere, so we’re probably going to be OK. Unless they misjudged the size of the thing.

It’s sad, really, that this rock, which has likely been traveling for millions of years in a more or less straight line, will die tonight in a fiery death. At least the fireball should be glorious. Look for it on YouTube tomorrow.

The immaculate wisdom of the Sarah Palin Random Quote generator.

As Senator McCain has said, that has to be considered also and we’ve got to keep an eye on Russia.

It has been overwhelming to me that confirmation of building new relationships trying to get people to understand what he’s been talking about.

Senator McCain also showed great appreciation for what America that is what America needs today and we’ve got to remember what the desire is in this nation at this time.

I’m ill about the position that America is in, and should not be rewarded have provided me a lot of perspective on the world.

If you’re panicky today about the future of our financial system, take ten minutes to read this very well-reasoned blog at HuffPo –Peter Dreier: How To Fix The Mortgage Mess 101

See the thing is, yesterday when the bailout was defeated, was a chance to get it right, not some horrible partisan sabotage that will ruin the entire planetary banking machine. All those guys on the TV who talk about saving Wall Street in order to protect Main Street ( excuse me I have to puke after typing that … ) — what they are not telling anyone is that this mess was CREATED starting in the Regan administration, and deepened and worsened until now.

The DOW may have had it’s biggest one-day point loss Ever In History, but taken as a percentage of the unearthly (some would say ‘artificial’) levels it’s not so bad. (See this completely separate and technically thorny graph and article.)

Anyway, read Peter Dreier, who has many great points, including this:

We’re in the current mortgage meltdown mess — the escalating wave of home foreclosures, the growing number of bank failures, and the tightening credit crunch — because Congress tore down the last remaining legal barriers to combining savings-and-loans, commercial banking, investment banking and insurance under one corporate roof. Banks, insurance companies, credit-card firms and other money-lenders became part of a giant “financial services” industry. Washington walked away from its responsibility to protect consumers with regulations and enforcement.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America….

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

Prior to putting this up, I didn’t realize it was so heavily memed

OK, let me make this really simple.

You’ve heard that tomorrow (tonight at midnight PST) that the Scienticians at CERN are going to fire up their enormous new Large Hadron Collider. [ Earlier satanosphere.com coverage ]

This is it:

It’s a particle accelerator that will hurl bits of matter at each other in a 17 MILE VACUUM TUNNEL REDUCED TO JUST ABOVE ABSOLUTE ZERO at 99.9999999~% THE SPEED OF FUCKING LIGHT.

When the particles smash into other particles it will cause A MINIATURE VERSION OF THE BIG BANG, THE THING THAT STARTED OUR UNIVERSE. This will replicate the important first moments after the big bang, when all matter was formed into the stuff we have now, like gold, carbon, iron, and oxygen.

Because it will cause a miniature big bang, many people are freaking out that it will CREATE A NEW UNIVERSE, thereby destroying the Earth as well as DESTROING THE UNIVERSE WE CURRENTLY LIVE IN.

Let me make this clear and very simple: THAT ISN’T GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN.

Here comes the science.

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Sometimes I hate this job, but I have to do it. Don LaFontaine, who you’ve heard in almost every movie trailer you’ve ever seen, died today of complications from Pneumothorax. He was 68.

Much fun has been made over the years of his repeated tag line with which he was forced to start many voiceovers; “In a world…” And rightly so. But Don LaFontaine wasn’t a man to hide behind a catch phrase. It was his voice that was the source of his authority. If you didn’t have him doing your VO work, you might as well have used old-timey placards.

As a movie nerd I really can’t imagine what Hollywood is going to be like without him. Every time I’d see a new trailer I always gambled internally: Is it going to be Don? And then I’d double down: Is he going to say it!?

Thankfully towards the end of his career people quit writing that line for him, as he hated it. But we’ll never forget the impact he’s had on pop culture as that line is used over and over in parody. But let’s put it to rest for today and avoid the obvious jokes and instead mourn a guy who truly loved films and his tangential involvement in Hollywood lore.

Designer of Western shirts dies | Life | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle
DENVER — Jack A. Weil, founder of the Rockmount Ranch Wear company whose snap-buttoned Western shirts became popular with movie stars and rock icons, has died. He was 107.

Great, I bet next week I’ll get to write this story: “In yet another strange twist of fate Satanosphere co-founder Captain Tenille plans to auction off six of his eight cowboy shirts and make another couple million bucks.”

(Note: This was written in Sacramento in the very early morning hours of August 11. I’d had a few….)

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