Satanosphere

And you can too, if you’re on MySpace. And if you’re not but still want to keep up with Lindsay, we added her to your left-hand column towards the bottom. Isn’t that awesome!?

In these financially troubled times, people all over this great nation are taking desperate measures just to scrape by. If you read the news casually, it sounds like we’re just being thrifty, like we used to be when Starsky <3′d Hutch : Many repair old mowers.

But it’s darker than that. The whole story is really about motorized equimpent manufacturer Briggs & Stratton falling on hard times due in small part to a shortage of hurricanes, it would seem:

A lack of hurricanes so far this year has been felt in Briggs’ portable generator business.
In a year with multiple storms, industry-wide generator sales can top 1 million units. Briggs is one of the industry’s leaders, and generators are among its most profitable businesses.
“The generator business for us is a means of supporting our engine business,” Shiely said. “A hurricane really drives sales. It’s bad news for a lot of people, but it’s good news for the generator business.”

In other economic news, it’s not clear at this time whether the high school teacher arrested for prostitution at a Houston Hotel was moonlighting in a desperate effort to repay her ARM-reset disaster-mortgage, or maybe she was trying to save up in order live like the the McCains in one of ten million-dollar mansions… Something tells me after watching the video, high school teachers are not in the million dollar mansion market.

So we can’t yet conclude which is the least successful tactic: fixing lawnmowers, whoring, or running for president. Maybe a better idea is faking a bigfoot and then running away with $57 grand. [FAGGZ!!!]

If you don’t know the comedy of Zach Galifianakis then you suck. If you don’t like the comedy of Zach Galifianakis after being introduced to it, then I’m afraid we can’t be friends. If you still can’t type ‘Zach Galifianakis’ without looking it up then you need to practice harder.

Below is an introductory video, an ad Zach Galifianakis did for the makers of Absolut vodka, with only one condition of creativity:

“Zach was asked to make an ad for Absolut Vodka as part of their ongoing artist series. He agreed as long as he got to do what he wanted without any restrictions. He asked his friends Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim of “Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show, Great Job” to join him in creating the spot.”

I don’t expect you to appreciate the comedy yet. Zach Galifianakis is a difficult comic. Do yourself a favor and watch the other Absolute vodka ads: part 2, and part 3.

You still haven’t figured it out yet have you? Zach Galifianakis makes you uncomfortable, like he does to Jimmy Kimmel and Michael Cera in the ‘Between Two Ferns’ videos. That’s the whole fucking point! He is a comedian of discomfort. Plus he’s fucking hilarious… try to find the “Gay Snake” video some time.

Let me start by saying this: I absolutely LOVE this relatively new strategy of /spelling_out_the_entire_story_in_the_url/ format that blogs have been picking up on as of late. With that said, I present this story: http://digg.com/odd_stuff/Drunk_Man_Drunk_Pit_Bull_Fight_Over_Malt_Liquor

That’s right, drunk man, drunk pit bull, fighting over malt liquor. An entire case of malt liquor, in fact, according to the story. My favorite moment:

I was kind of stunned, but ran outside. A man sat on my curb, feet in the street, swaying and drinking from a tall can of Old English, with a box of more cans next to him. Someone shouted “OH SHIT, it’s coming back!” and pointed up the street. I looked, to see a monstrous pit bull galloping down the street, full-tilt. I remember thinking that it looked just like one of those things from “Ghostbusters” as it leapt, soaring through the air and shoulder-checking the man with the OE cans, sending him flat and the cans scattering.

The dog then grabbed a can in its jaws and bit down hard, puncturing the can and shaking it like a baby — which sent streams of malt liquor shooting out of the holes around its fangs and straight down the monster’s throat. It spat the mostly-empty can out into the street, covered in drool and malt liquor and wagged its tail, happily burping.

Happy Drinking, and remember to keep an eye peeled for intoxicated canids.

This one sort of feels like a Manfred Mann song, doesn’t it? “revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night!” except in Soviet Russia, “lasers that normally illuminate upwards into the sky were..refracted into the ravers’ eyes”.

Dozens of partygoers at an outdoor rave near Moscow last week have lost partial vision after a laser light show burned their retinas, Russian health officials said on Monday.

Moscow city health department officials confirmed 12 cases of laser-blindness at the Central Ophthalmological Clinic, and daily newspaper Kommersant said another 17 were registered at City Hospital 32 in the centre of the capital.

The owner of a Moscow laser rental company told Reuters the accidental blindings were due to “illiteracy on the part of technicians.”

It was partly the rain, but also partly the size of the laser. Somebody set up an extremely powerful laser for such a small space,” said Valentin Vasiliev, who said his company did not provide the Aquamarine lasers.

Laser-blindness?? I want that to be the name of my next band!

Russians totally know how to party! Don’t believe me? Here’s more proof!