Satanosphere

Fecal Fest Approaches!

Woodland Park Zoo Press Release
September 2, 2008

Calendar Advisory:

Annual Fall Fecal Fest – Drawing for Zoo Doo and Bedspread sale

Media Contact:
Gigi Allianic, Rebecca Whitham
206.548.2550
woodlandparkzoopr@zoo.org

What:
Fall is around the corner, which means it’s time for Woodland Park Zoo’s annual Fall Fecal Fest. Garden enthusiasts and Zoo Doo loyalists, get ready to enter a drawing to purchase the highly coveted Zoo Doo. The pungent piles of poop make up the richest, highly aromatic, most exotic compost in the Pacific Northwest.

For more information, call the poop line at 206.625.POOP or visit the ZooDoo page on the zoo’s website.

wardriver.jpg JPEG Image, 453×400 pixels

I like physics. Even though I got a C in it when I tried to go to smart college, I still think it’s fun to learn about how the universe is held together. Also, I think physicists are probably very funny assholes, though I’ve never met any real physicists, only physics teaching assistants who were very boring and smelly assholes.

So when I found this article about some early tests at the Large Hadron Collider I had to read it.

From what I understand, the Large Ha[rd]on Collider tests consisted of firing a “test beam of protons” from the “injection point” or “injecting” protons into the collider’s “main ring” before “crashing into a deliberate beam dump” and this was all captured on “beam television”. But it gets more interesting! See there was this “blob” that showed up in the beam-TV but it was off-center as it “spattered through an alumina ceramic screen, which lights up due to the radiation.” WOW!

This can only be summed up with a full quote:

After the “television” camera was removed, the protons made it all the way to their destination, passing through Alice, one of the giant detectors built to observed proton collisions. The New York Times reported that a Web site summary of the evening’s activities ended with the word “beer.” [emphasis mine]

[redacted] - The World of Web Trolling - NYTimes.com

The only thing wrong with this article about internet “trolls” is the stupid malapropism created for the title which I will not repeat. That’s the **ONLY** thing wrong with this article.

“I want everyone off the Internet. Bloggers are filth. They need to be destroyed. Blogging gives the illusion of participation to a bunch of retards. . . . We need to put these people in the oven” — some tard named Weev

[ UPDATE : 8/5/08 : Jason Fortuny, featured in the article, now faces lawsuit.

‘… but it’s a precise wimp,’ — asteroid deflectionist Rusty Schweickart, of the B612 Foundation

quoted in ‘Gravity tractor’ could deflect asteroids

because we don’t want this to happen:

At first I thought, “oh cool. i found my new band name.” and then I looked it up on InterNet -> Gravity Tractor (band). Not so good.

mb here, your roving (hehe, get it, ROVING) Intergalactic Space Correspondent. Well, the big news in space is that water-ice existence has been confirmed on the surface of the mythical god-of-war planet, Mars. Raise a drink (of your choice, but I suggest water for good luck) and toast to a new era of spaceploitation! One can only hope Kuato was right, and all we need to do is start the generators that were built by the aliens half a billion years ago. You know, so I can thaw out the ice, regenerate the oxygen supply, save the planet, and live happily ever after with my sleazy, yet demure, fantasy girl I chose for my Martian Vacation at Recall.

In all seriousness, stay environmentally conscious, endlessly question those who aren’t, and maintain a focus of hopefully making it to Mars some day … and beyond. It’s part of the puzzle laid out for us to solve. Always promote science, exploration and the quest for Universal knowledge. mb, ISC, saying: Keep an eye on the sky!

HowStuffWorks answers this vital question: “Will I die if I eat polar bear liver?” with a somewhat qualified “Maybe not but you will want to.”

While milder cases merely involved flaking around the mouth, some accounts reported cases of full-body skin loss.

From the Incredibly Unlikely And Yet Scary As Fuck department comes this dire warning: Jehova’s final wrath upon our Earth will manifest not in the form fire, but in the form of a Western Europe-sized steaming pile of shit:

For thousands of years animal waste, and other organic matter left behind on the Arctic tundra, have been sealed off from the environment by permafrost. Now climate change is melting the permafrost and freeing mass quantities of prehistoric [ doodie ] from its state of suspended animation.

500 Billion Tons of Prehistoric Organic Matter May Massively Accelerate ‘Global Warming’ -A Galaxy Classic