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Welcome to Orange Park!
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By Kami904, Section News
Posted on Sun Nov 18th, 2007 at 09:22:39 AM PDT
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Orange Park is not famous for its oranges.It is not famous for its parks.In fact,there is nothing clean or serene about the city.It could be argued that Orange Park,Florida, does have many claims to fame however. It is home to many crackheads.They roam the streets in thier expensive vehicles and associate with some of the most morbidly overweight dopemen and the most emaciated hookers you've ever seen.It's a gross,but nevertheless relavent expression of a part of the population here.A disturbingly large part.
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Is it Really That Bad?in Florida..
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By Kami904, Section News
Posted on Thu Nov 8th, 2007 at 05:32:27 PM PDT
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Last night,I actually sat down and watched the local news that comes on TV in Jacksonville.Apparently,"Cracksonville" counterculture vultures are sinking to a new low in the world of cheap drugs.Jenkem is supposedly a ferment of sewage which originated in Africa?I suppose it's an acquired taste..much like coffee,or maybe the occasional Ambien held under your tongue until you start to laugh everytime you look in the mirror?probably not.But apparently,someone has sat there and thought,"why don't I just not flush the outhouse for a week and then lift the lid and inhale deeply and see what happens?and this is some sort of escape from reality?well,thanks,assholes.Now if this trend really takes off,our government will make it illegal to not flush your toilet for weeks on end and maybe implement some sort of complicated waste management,teamed up with the DEA and get into the deepest darkest details of life in America.You will have devices in every toilet and septic tank to make sure that there's nothing clandestine being done with your terds and such.I wonder if jenkem is why Mr.Hanky is so damm jolly?overall,it sounds like a CRAPPY drug.
(227 words in story) Full Story
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This is an update that helps explain why Satanosphere has been so dead, and why it may return.
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By matt, Section News
Posted on Fri Oct 12th, 2007 at 05:36:38 PM PDT
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See, besides the day job that keeps me busy, I've been getting paid to blog, so it didn't make much sense to keep it going at multiple places. But now I've been promoted to editor, so that means that when I have things to say, this might be a better place to do it again.
(8 comments, 82 words in story) Full Story
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Death Watch '07: Ernest Gallo
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By Paul Shrug, Section News
Posted on Tue Mar 6th, 2007 at 05:28:47 PM PDT
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Winemaker Ernest Gallo has died.
And today, all the brown paper bags in the world feel just a little emptier.
Yeah, I logged on pretty much exclusively to make that joke.
(1 comment) Comments >>
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Death Watch '07: Anna Nicole Smith
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By Paul Shrug, Section News
Posted on Thu Feb 8th, 2007 at 01:12:26 PM PDT
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Holy shit!
Former Guess Jeans model, one-time playmate, star of Skyscraper, and presidential hopeful Anna Nicole Smith is dead.
No other comment.
(10 comments) Comments >>
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Death Watch '07: Fidel Castro Not Yet Dead
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By Paul Shrug, Section News
Posted on Mon Jan 15th, 2007 at 06:30:41 PM PDT
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A man just can't retire gracefully, can he?
Hey, cigar aficionados! Cuban Communist leader Fidel Castro is, according to an MSNBC bulletin I can't yet link to, in serious condition.
Yes, as if Dapper Danny's Faaaab-ulous Showtune Revue: Ger-SCHWING! wasn't enough, looks like there'll soon be even more dancing in Miami.
Update [2007-1-24 21:1:48 by Paul Shrug]: Nope. Not yet. According to close confidantes, Castro is recovering and, exact quote, almost jogging. Careful, ole Cubana boy, remember what got Jim Fixx! (Uh... namely, high cholesterol and possibly genetic disposition.)
Do we care? Nay! Castro is officially named the 2007 Satanosphere Death Watch "One to Watch!"
(5 comments) Comments >>
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Exclusive: Saddam Hussein Says Ta
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By Paul Shrug, Section News
Posted on Sat Dec 30th, 2006 at 02:18:06 AM PDT
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Shortly before Saddam Hussein was executed Saturday morning, he was asked if he had any final words. He declined the opportunity, and aside from some sectarian shouting he made shortly before the noose was applied to his neck, he did not leave a final message for the world.
However, shortly before the execution, the UPS guy came by and gave us an Overnight Letter envelope that had been damaged in transit. He didn't ask us to sign for it. Inside was a rambling two-page letter, typed on a typewriter with a defective "s" key. The letter is addressed:
"Dear Satanosphere..."
(4 comments, 756 words in story) Full Story
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