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Oil of Man vs. Oil of Olay

Sex!?
By matt, Section Sci-Tech
Posted on Wed Oct 22nd, 2003 at 08:35:12 PM PDT
What's long, hard, and full of moisturizer? According to urban legend, your dick. Popular myth relates that women who've given quality hummers and ended up with semen on their faces claim that it's the best moisturizer they've ever used. Many apparently claim that it makes their breasts smoother and softer, and their cheeks tighter.

While opinions differ as greatly on this debate as they do in any other, there is evidence to actually back up the claims of both sides. One recent adult site posted a tit-for-tat thread on the rivalry, with both sides weighing in heavily.

But while they discuss the topic in a purely academic way, Vice magazine has gone one step further in the form of sponsoring a month-long clinical study: cum vs moisturizer. And though semen (or at least sperm) has been i the news so much lately, the winner may surprise you.

Let us turn our attention first to the debate. The previously mentioned thread has opinions on either side of the topic, both pro and against. Both have insightful and scientifically proven points that serve only to hinder resolution. From the thread, in the jizz-is-good-for-the-skin-camp:

When I've jizzed on my evil ex-girlfriends face (we were going out at the time don't worry) her skin was pretty soft afterwards. It's actually true. The same protein in cum is used in Pantene Pro-V shampoo.

Fascinating! The Ph.D. who is quoted above could not be reached for additional comment as the thread is quasi-anonymous and leaves no contact information. From the jizz-ins't-so-good camp, we have the following prose:

A female friend of mine got it in her head to use my cum as a facial moisturizer, so whenever she would blow me she'd ask me to cum in her hand. I'd blow a load, and she'd wipe it all over her face The problem was that there is a lot of testosterone in cum. and it made her break out. conclusion, Swallow it. use Clinique on your face.

Besides the affirmative and negatives on this topics, there are, of course, those who are in the debate only to help with what they have to offer and don't inaccessibly take to one side or the other:

no but I know wher you can get plenty of cum

It was definitely this form of back-and-forth that led the experts over at Vice magazine to take matters into their own hands (or their partner's, whatever). They selected two volunteers with the idea that they would go a month moisturizing their faces, one with semen, one with off the shelf moisturizer. The results speak for themselves: semen is not as great as the legend holds.

However nothing is made of the donor's diet. If the donor had been lacking in vitamin E, for example, then the spunk would most certainly not be as good as, say, Jergins. However, if the donor ate many carrots and other vitamin D-rich vegetables, then the man-lotion could be far superior to standard facial treatments.

< Death Watch '03: Fred "Rerun" Berry, Pamela Anderson (advance notice) (1 comments) | Don't let it die! (1 comments) >

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Related Links
· adult site
· tit-for-tat thread
· Vice
· cum vs moisturizer
· been i the news so much lately,
· More on Sex!?
· Also by matt

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Oil of Man vs. Oil of Olay | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
I don't know about moisterizing (none / 0) (#1)
by Mister Rum n Coke (mdhpiper@hotmail.com) on Wed Oct 22nd, 2003 at 07:49:05 PM PDT
(User Info) http://rdos.blogspot.com

But cum can also be used as a hair tonic. Or so I hear.

Let's just say that the hair on my stomach is thicker, blacker and fuller than the rest of my body-hair.

Since I'm no longer in the Onanistic business I won't be able to experiment and find out if cum is as good as Rogaine.


I'm sorry but I have had it! I have never heard of such a Christmas!! Sex... and drugs... an-an-and women being set on fire!



And another thing... (none / 0) (#2)
by hot blooded (ilovedraculaBUTIHATESPAM@hotmail.com) on Wed Oct 22nd, 2003 at 07:59:55 PM PDT
(User Info)

I have it on good authority that diet and lifestyle affect the subtle flavors of a man's precious bodily fluids. In particular, the ingestion of alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, and red meat. So, unless you want to join the Hippie Handjob Association, it would be like using a moisturizer made from beef hormones, Jim Beam, coffee grounds, and cigarette butts. No thanks.

hb: I'm having a party in my refrigerator and you're invited.
sw: That's so cool!



Ahhhhhhhhh! You are killin me, dude. (none / 0) (#3)
by Crazydee (crazydee666@sinfulbutworthyineveryway.com) on Thu Oct 23rd, 2003 at 06:14:32 AM PDT
(User Info)

The French Facial! (giggle giggle)


Now, how much will you pay? But wait, there's more...




Really? Aw, cum on... (none / 0) (#4)
by Commander Pizza Killa on Thu Oct 30th, 2003 at 09:35:42 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.soundclick.com/chuckswaim

Really? Aw, cum on...

Baadoom!  Clash!

Commander Pizza Killa Download our CDs for free: http://www.deadairfresheners.com http://www.soundlick.com/chuckswaim



Oil of Man vs. Oil of Olay | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
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