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Satanosphere to Interview Vice President Dick! (And his lovely wife Lynne, too!)

Satanosphere
By matt, Section Satanosphere
Posted on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 12:09:22 PM PDT

In a coup that can only be accounted for as an act of God, the Vice President of the Iraqi-killing USA and his lovely wife Lynne have granted the fine folks at your favorite website (Satanosphere) a sit-down, fire-side interview.

And, as always, you get to ask the fucking questions.

Good God, publicists are easy to fool.

Use the comments in this story to post your well-thought-out questions. They will be asked of the Veep and the VeepLady by our own lovely Paul Shrug on Monday the 31st, the day after Satanosphere turns 2 (yay!).

Feel free to ask anything you want. This is your chance to find out exactly what you've always wanted to know about the shadowy man who may one day be our president, and who is on the payroll of the company that most benefits from reconstruction of Iraq. But that's not important right now.

< Project 300: Nos. 290-279 (4 comments) | Don't let it die! (1 comments) >

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Satanosphere to Interview Vice President Dick! (And his lovely wife Lynne, too!) | 31 comments (31 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
My question: (none / 0) (#1)
by Captain Tenille (jeremy@SPAMMAKESBABYJESUSCRYsatanosphere.com) on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 12:10:27 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

"Are you now, or have you ever been, a goatfucker?"

----

/* You are not expected to understand this. */

I'm not trying to beat a goose to death with a condom full of nickels. -- just joe



huh? for real? (none / 0) (#2)
by jessica (bambam[at]typeslowly.net) on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 12:42:58 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.typeslowly.net

"do you know of the 'Street Meat'?"
"are we correct in assuming the 'street meat' is a covert terrorist action?"

"will you guys make out? pleeeeeasssseeee?"

++saint with a skull and a holster full of rum++


Now that's funny: (none / 0) (#5)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.clearwire.net) on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 01:01:33 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.benigncomedy.com

"will you guys make out? pleeeeeasssseeee?"

But her husband's heart problem's complicating!

--Shrug
"Oh how I love that pagan libertarian math!" -- Dead Air
[ Parent ]



I'll bite... (none / 0) (#3)
by Mister Rum n Coke (mdhpiper@hotmail.com) on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 12:52:48 PM PDT
(User Info) http://rdos.blogspot.com

"Mister Cheney, compare your credentials with that of the President. Compare your number of brain cells and your relative intellect. Now, aside from who his Daddy is, tell me how come that chump is President and you're not!"

"What's your favorite position? What do you mean 'none'?"

"If an Iraqi woman was absolutely gorgeous underneath her layers of robing, would you do her before blowing her up?"


I'm sorry but I have had it! I have never heard of such a Christmas!! Sex... and drugs... an-an-and women being set on fire!



my question (none / 0) (#4)
by Geek Foot on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 12:56:46 PM PDT
(User Info)

are you interested in marketing my 'very flavorful' old shoes to 3rd world countries as weapons of mass destruction?

<ct> Even bears won't drink Busch


DICK!!! (none / 0) (#6)
by The Manowarrior (manowarrior@kingsofmetal.com) on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 01:06:49 PM PDT
(User Info)

How does it feel to have a minor league ballfield named after you?

Which Manowar album is your favorite and why?

Why do you guys suck?


"May Your Sword Stay Wet Like a Young Girl In Her Prime!"


Actually (none / 0) (#7)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.clearwire.net) on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 01:15:56 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.benigncomedy.com

I've just received confirmation it's going to be a phone interview, not technically a fireside chat. I'll probably be phone-interviewing the Butchies on the same day -- good God, how did this happen...

--Shrug
"Oh how I love that pagan libertarian math!" -- Dead Air



ARGH!!! (none / 0) (#8)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.clearwire.net) on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 02:08:04 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.benigncomedy.com

Grrrr... I hope this is worth the immense hassle I'm going through pre-interview.

Apparently "freelancers" are subject to a little more scrutiny than other journalists. I've had to deal with Secret Service people calling me, having to fax shit over to DC on my dime, answering a bunch of questions about my citizenship, employment history, blah blah blah. I've already lost two work hours to this, and the DOJ (or someone) wants to screen me again on Monday afternoon -- which reminds me, the interview is slated to take place about four hours before the Rodeo Kill show, so it'll probably be rushed.

This better be worth it, Matty. Gimme more questions y'all.

--Shrug
"Oh how I love that pagan libertarian math!" -- Dead Air



Would the earth stop spinning if your band... (none / 0) (#17)
by BetweenNames on Sat Mar 29th, 2003 at 06:57:44 PM PDT
(User Info)

.... started the show a little late?

You're going to rush through an interview with the vice-president of the United States while the country is at war so that you can go play a show in a bar with your cowboy cover band? How many people show up for these shows, anyway?

Maybe someone else should do this interview.

[ Parent ]



Argh x3 (none / 0) (#19)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.clearwire.net) on Sun Mar 30th, 2003 at 03:42:10 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.benigncomedy.com

First of all, I'm expecting about a half-hour of the Vice President's time... it's not like he's going to be speaking to little ole me past midnight Eastern time. But with everything going on that afternoon -- and with all the stuff I've had to put up with pre-interview -- I got a lil' bit cranky on Friday.

Your questions are excellent and I will get to as many of them as possible -- particularly the ones about why this war is so unpopular with the rest of the country.

--Shrug
"Oh how I love that pagan libertarian math!" -- Dead Air
[ Parent ]



And, plus... (none / 0) (#20)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.clearwire.net) on Sun Mar 30th, 2003 at 03:44:31 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.benigncomedy.com

Our last show at Charlie's packed the house...

--Shrug
"Oh how I love that pagan libertarian math!" -- Dead Air
[ Parent ]



here's one... (none / 0) (#9)
by matt oneiros on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 08:22:10 PM PDT
(User Info)

If the war is not about oil, then why are we having at this aid-for-oil deal? Doesn't it send a mixed message to the american people?



or for sarcasm's sake... (none / 0) (#10)
by matt oneiros on Fri Mar 28th, 2003 at 08:25:23 PM PDT
(User Info)

Wer ist deine Vati?! *slap*

[ Parent ]


Grr x2 (none / 0) (#11)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.clearwire.net) on Sat Mar 29th, 2003 at 02:42:08 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.benigncomedy.com

Considering the enormity of this particular interview, could we get more serious questions along the lines of Matt O's, please? They don't have to be polite, necessarily, just topics we could seriously address with the VP.

I don't mean to sound like an uptight ass here, but they're watching this site pretty closely over the next couple of days, y'know? I'm terribly unschooled in a lot of political stuff, and the fact is (much as I resist admitting it) they're doing us a great favor here -- so please, let 'im have it.

Thanks for the questions, Matt.

--Shrug
"Oh how I love that pagan libertarian math!" -- Dead Air
[ Parent ]



PS: Watching this site.... (none / 0) (#12)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.clearwire.net) on Sat Mar 29th, 2003 at 02:58:40 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.benigncomedy.com

Matt H. told me they "think" they know what's coming from this site, and they're prepared to handle it... that doesn't necessarily mean we'll get the kind of totally honest answers we want to hear, but for whatever reason, we've both received assurances that the veep will at least listen to the questions from those with opposing viewpoints.

I had a surprisingly candid conversation with someone from the Press Secretary's office late this afternoon (an intern, I admit, but a really nice one), and from what she told me Mr. Cheney's perfectly willing to accept and answer some of the most pointed questions from our members.

I'm a bit skeptical about it myself, but considering this entirely bizarre turn of events -- not to mention the havoc it's temporarily wreaked on my life -- and, to be honest, the opportunity it presents for SOS and, well, me personally -- why don't we just come up with some real issues for the vice president to answer to?

I really haven't gotten over the surrealness of this whole episode -- I've never experienced a day anywhere close to Friday's constant barrage of phone calls and screening issues, and it ain't over yet -- but just in case these people mean it, and they want to hear the hard stuff, I'd like to hear it from you. I'm going to research what I can about the current situation and Mr. Cheney's vice presidency over the next couple of days, but if you guys can help out and come up with some pointed questions of your own, you'd be doing me a big favor. Particularly since I do this shit for free.

Thanks. Good night.

--Shrug
"Oh how I love that pagan libertarian math!" -- Dead Air
[ Parent ]



The Manowarrior Is Sorry, Paul... (none / 0) (#13)
by The Manowarrior (manowarrior@kingsofmetal.com) on Sat Mar 29th, 2003 at 10:21:26 AM PDT
(User Info)

It's just hard to realize that this is seriously true.

In light of that fact, please disregard The Manowarrior's 1st and 3rd questions from the earlier entry.


"May Your Sword Stay Wet Like a Young Girl In Her Prime!"
[ Parent ]


Sorry (none / 0) (#15)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.clearwire.net) on Sat Mar 29th, 2003 at 01:13:35 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.benigncomedy.com

I was a bit fried from all the screening crap yesterday and was a bit impatient; sorry for being snippy about it...

--Shrug
"Oh how I love that pagan libertarian math!" -- Dead Air
[ Parent ]



Hehe (none / 0) (#30)
by matt oneiros on Wed Apr 2nd, 2003 at 10:21:12 PM PDT
(User Info)

I know it's a little late, but I'm probably on some sort of list. I ran into "problems" when I was at a Peter Jennings event.

Evidently it is common in polite conversation to threaghten people with mace. Pah.

Just a crazy freelance photographer giving you a heads up in case they get "interested"...

[ Parent ]



I Have Some Ideas (none / 0) (#14)
by Spider Jerusalem on Sat Mar 29th, 2003 at 11:51:40 AM PDT
(User Info)

1.  Ask him why we're focusing on Iraq, which has no known WMD, as opposed to N. Korea, which not only has WMD but is defying all attempts at diplomacy.
2.  Ask him about the appearance of impropriety given by the government's decision to award the main Iraqi oilwell firefighting contract (without bidding, mind you) to Kellogg, Brown and Root (which is a subsidiary of Cheney's old company, Halliburton).
3.  Ask him why, in a time of war, the administration didn't throw a goddamn fit when the majority members of the House Budget Committee passed and reported for a vote by the House a budget resolution that would cut $844 million from veterans' medical care next year and $9.7 billion over the next 10 years. In addition, the budget resolution would cut $15 billion from the disability compensation and other benefit programs over the next 10 years.




Hey, Spider! (none / 0) (#22)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Sun Mar 30th, 2003 at 06:29:50 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

Who are you? And how did you get the best Satanosphere username EVER!?

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified
[ Parent ]



Why, I'm glad that you asked, my son. (none / 0) (#31)
by Spider Jerusalem on Fri Apr 11th, 2003 at 08:48:49 PM PDT
(User Info)

I'm a ninja cleverly disguised as an ordinary man.

And as for the name, I embarked on an epic journey to the highest peak of the farthest mountain, whereupon I performed trials of such strenuous and Sisyphean endeavor as the world has never seen.
Then I came home, sat down at my computer, and registered the name 'Spider Jerusalem'.  Then I may or may not have eaten a sammitch.  The involvement of a nap is unconfirmed.  

[ Parent ]



more questions (none / 0) (#16)
by Geek Foot on Sat Mar 29th, 2003 at 06:12:18 PM PDT
(User Info)

there are 43,806 nationally recocognized EPA superfund sites and only 1235 of these are on the national priority list. the 1235 'priorities' on the list will still not be restored in 50 years.

what do you plan to do in order to speed up the restoration of these contaminated and quarantined sites?

who gets more pussy? you, or your daughter?

it's rumored that she may be in baghdad as a human shield. do you care if she dies?

when you were elected vice president, you had to take an enormous pay cut. how has that affected your household budget? how often are you reduced to eating top ramen?

and one last question mr. vice president. are you really satan?

<ct> Even bears won't drink Busch



Hey there. (none / 0) (#23)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Sun Mar 30th, 2003 at 06:32:57 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

Don't forget. He was never "elected". Right?

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified
[ Parent ]



Some questions (none / 0) (#18)
by BetweenNames on Sat Mar 29th, 2003 at 07:20:19 PM PDT
(User Info)

1) This Bush-Cheney administration has significantly redesigned American foreign policy by launching this war in what is essentially a "pre-emptive strike." Do you think this policy of pre-emptive strikes is sound, and what do you foresee as its consequences with respect to U.S. foreign policy?

2) The Charter of the United Nations, Chapter 1, articles 3 & 4, states that member nations should refrain from acts of aggression against sovereign nations. This would seem to preclude a policy of pre-emptive strikes. In your opinion, is the United Nations obsolete?

3) How do you account for the fact that so many of the United States' traditional allies have refused to lend their support -- even their political support -- to the coalition efforts against Iraq?

4) There's been a lot of talk about Weapons of Mass Destruction and their potential dangers to the U.S. populace. Why is it that Iraq's immediate neighbors, who don't have the security of our military strength and the protection of two oceans, are not sufficiently concerned to support our war effort?

5) What do you say to the families of soldiers who are killed by "friendly fire"? Do you have any thoughts on why "friendly fire" has taken so many lives in both Gulf War conflicts?

6) The international protests against this war have been enormous. Why do you suppose this war is so unpopular internationally?

(He will undoubtedly evade this question the first time you ask it. So...)

6a) But why is this war so unpopular? What drives so many people, all over the world, out into the streets to protest against this war?

7) How do you account for the failure, thus far, of the military to meet pre-war expectations?



A Question... (none / 0) (#21)
by Danger Kitty (dangerkitty@trouble.com) on Sun Mar 30th, 2003 at 09:36:08 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.blackbettie.net/

Mr Cheney, historically American involvement in international conflict has resulted in both improved presidential ratings and a rising economy. Do you feel that these factors may encourage a push for war on the president's part?


Also on Myspace


Erm... (none / 0) (#24)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Sun Mar 30th, 2003 at 06:34:17 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

Or, more to the point, conflicts such as this have distracted the American people from a shitty economy. Is that the goal here, Dick?

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified
[ Parent ]



yeah, but... (none / 0) (#26)
by Danger Kitty (dangerkitty@trouble.com) on Mon Mar 31st, 2003 at 08:56:04 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.blackbettie.net/

War is definitely a major diversion from failing economy, but I was refering to the post-war or post-conflict economic booms that can be documented throughout American history. World War II being the most notable example in the last century...


Also on Myspace
[ Parent ]


Of course! (none / 0) (#27)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Mon Mar 31st, 2003 at 09:56:22 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

Oh, I knew whatcha meant. But it was a barb I had to poke.

That's why I'm not doing the interview, I don't really like Dick.

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified
[ Parent ]



Question on Foreign Relations (none / 0) (#25)
by Comassion on Sun Mar 30th, 2003 at 08:59:45 PM PDT
(User Info)

1. How does this war benefit the United States of America? 2. The war with Iraq seems to be increasing tension between outselves and our neighbors, specifically Russia, Japan, Germany, and especially Turkey. Coupled with the loss of human life, the overall cost of the war and subsequent occupation, is this war worthwhile?



Another ? for the "vice-president" (none / 0) (#28)
by BetweenNames on Mon Mar 31st, 2003 at 03:01:35 PM PDT
(User Info)

Undoubtedly, a man can't reach your level of political success without a finely developed sense of ethics. Can you share with us your philosophical ideas on what circumstances make telling a lie morally justifiable?



oooooohhh!!!! (none / 0) (#29)
by Geek Foot on Mon Mar 31st, 2003 at 10:00:19 PM PDT
(User Info)

nice one

<ct> Even bears won't drink Busch
[ Parent ]


Satanosphere to Interview Vice President Dick! (And his lovely wife Lynne, too!) | 31 comments (31 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
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